Only recently, I have read a text on self-love. It started off by pointing out how unique each and every one of us is, how it is a miracle that one exists. How we are special, how every individual on Earth is special. And I must say: I never liked this imagination.
I am one of 7 billion people on Earth. I am part of a country with 80 million people. I am part of a university, like 50 percent of my age. I am enrolled in a study program with 300 others. I am living in a dorm with 15 flatmates and I have coffee twice a day which I have in common with surprisingly many people. I am as ordinary as it gets. And it goes even further.
I buy clothes that make me both fit the norms and be extra-ordinary – within those norms. I buy them at the flea market, I could just as well buy them at H&M, fulfilling the requirements of my own social spheres. For the aim of fitting in, for being part of something.
For the sake of being moderately invisible amongst mates I consciously regulate myself to make myself fit the norms.
And then there is this supposedly empowering text on self-love. And I wonder: I am subconsciously, maybe consciously, trying to be as ordinary as possible. And then they tell me, that I am not. Girl, you are extra-ordinary! You are special!
I have never been, why now?
I have always been told that I am not enough if I do not buy this shirt, this skirt, or this fl irt. Always been told that I need to think harder, need to work faster and I believed it.
And that was the point. I believed it. Just as almost everybody else, I believed in my incompleteness.
Now there is a market for telling me: You are unique, extra-ordinary, you are special!
So far so good. Maybe they just discovered a niche. Maybe they actually care about the gap that has been created within the individual.
But is the imagination of being special really helping?
My professor once held a lecture on preparing for the thesis at the end of our studies. When talking about discipline, procrastination and planning-ahead, he unexpectedly formulated, addressed to all these extra-ordinary individuals sitting in front of him: ‚You are not unique and special.’
The message being: Do not think these guidelines are ridiculous, you are not the one ingenious dude who will manage to write a good thesis in under a week.
And I was puzzled. I thought the mechanism was, that us feeling incomplete would make us buy stuff and, hence, boost the economy, while it was tabooed to admit our commonness. Him breaking the taboo made me stumble. I thought we are supposed to play along. That we are supposed to feel incomplete and believe in our uniqueness, supposed to accept being flawed while ignoring the flaws, supposed to buy this shirt because as million others wear it while ignoring that a million others wear it.
We are told it is a miracle to be on Earth, a miracle that I have competed against a thousand of sperms, won the race and survived up to now, a miracle, my combination of hair colour and nose size and individualistic thought patterns.
Have you ever wondered why the Harry Potter book is written from Harry‘s perspective? No, you have not, because it is fiction. If it was not fiction, it would be incredibly unlikely. And the fact that I sit here, occupy this very space and body, is just as unlikely. Th ere are a thousand reasons why it should not be me. But miracles are far more than low chances.
Tim Minchin, an Australian Comedian, only recently said: Th ings that are unlikely happen all the time! It is just my fi ction, it is my narration. So all in all it is not that much of a miracle.
And if I am not a miracle and I am not very different to others and I need to follow all those guidelines for my upcoming thesis, I am not more special than anyone else. Why should I convince myself of the opposite?
For allowing myself further procrastination? For holding my position in the power game? For my self esteem?
I do not see the gain.
A sticker on my wall now reads ‚You‘re not unique and special.‘ No, I am not. I am in the mess with all the others, not beyond the chaos, but in the midst of it and I think I can understand you when you strive for being special. We have been told we should.